Remember to Say Thank You

I have two stories I want to share about saying thank you. The first is how I was raised. My mom forced us to be polite; to say “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me” and all the rest of the social niceties. Whether or not you really felt grateful for something, wanted to receive what was offered, or liked what had taken place you said “thank you.” The second story is from my time in Boston when I was in seminary. I rode the “T”, the mass transit system to and from just about everywhere. I didn’t notice at first how people treated each other on the “T” mostly because I was so focused upon making sure I knew when to get off. But once I got comfortable with riding it I began to notice how people where indifferent or even rude to one another. I also noticed how people reacted when without realizing it my mom’s training kicked in and I said “thank you.” People stopped caught off guard and even a bit confused. They weren’t sure what I was doing or why. They then either smiled and replied “You’re welcome.” Or just slipped back into their Bostonian mindset and stomped away. Once I noticed this I made a point of saying “thank you” as often as I could. I like to think that in that busy, hurry-up, anonymous and often impersonal world of the “T” my saying “thank you” brought - however briefly - a moment of joy, connection, humaneness, or human-kindness to a person and to their day. I went online to a parenting forum and found out that parents today aren’t as willing to force the issue of politeness on their children as my mom was. Two comments are representative of what I found: • ”I don't force them, no. I don't sit there and hold back what they want until they say it, I don't think that's right. I use "Please" and "Thank You" in everything I ask of them, even when I'm reprimanding them. And my oldest has already started to say it back to me when he asks for stuff. He's two. I find it's a lot easier to model the behavior and have them follow suit then to bully them into it.” • “I ENCOURAGE please and thank you -- and demonstrate having nice manners myself, but force it? No.” And my daughter and her husband subscribe to this way of thinking. Which I find a little hard to stomach, again because my mom’s programming kicks in and if I’m honest because I used force on my kids and don’t want to admit I might have been wrong. But one thing I will not give up on is the simple fact that saying “thank you” matters. Why does saying thank you matter to me, you and others? Primarily I think it has to do with two things. First, we want to know that someone has noticed and appreciated what we have done for them, that what we have done matters. The second is that we like the feeling that comes with being thanked. What about saying “thank you” to someone else? We like to acknowledge a kindness or assistance given as a way of “paying the debt” we have incurred and we like to make the other person feel good about themselves and the effort they made on our behalf. And science backs me up on this. Jeremy Dean, a psychologist and writer of the award winning blog “PsyBlog” writes: According to positive psychologists, saying ‘thank you’ is no longer just good manners, it is also beneficial to the self. To take the best known examples, studies have suggested that being grateful can improve well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationships, produce positive emotional states and help us cope with stressful times in our lives. But we also say thank you because we want the other person to know we value what they’ve done for us and, maybe, encourage them to help us again in the future. Since, for most of us, expressing our thanks is an everyday occurrence, we tend to think nothing of it. But psychologically it has a very important role to play for both the person giving and the person receiving. All four studies reveal that gratitude is more than just a social nicety, or a way of making the helper feel good; it reassures others their help was actually appreciated and it encourages further pro-social behavior. My favorite Biblical story about thank you is when Jesus heals the ten lepers (Luke 17: 11-19). Leprosy is a disease that causes a person’s skin to be covered in ulcers and disfigures and can cause the loss of fingers and toes. In Jesus’ day it made the infected a social outcast, ritually unclean and therefore an oppressed minority. Lepers lived on the fringes of society and were avoided and shunned. So in the story this group of lepers calls out to Jesus for mercy and without any other words or actions Jesus sends them to the priests where they are declared clean – healed. It is interesting to note that there is no talk of faith, no request for healing. The lepers’ aren’t praised for their righteous living and nowhere are we told of their sex, religious affiliation or nationality. They are ten lepers who ask for mercy and are healed; simple as that. Now this is where the story gets interesting; one leper realizes what has happened and he comes back to say “thanks.” And who is it that returns? It is a Samaritan. You know they are the hated, second-class, un-repentant black sheep cousins of the Jews who worship at the wrong place. This is a foreigner of the highest order who would normally give a Jew a wide berth because the dislike goes both ways. Those observing would have been shocked because Jesus has shown that God’s grace and love extends beyond their neat boundaries and comfy confines and faithful living means accepting the foreigner and loving them. But that’s not all, Jesus tells the Samaritan leper that “Your faith has healed and saved you.” What? Weren’t all the lepers healed? And a truth comes out; having a disease cured or an aliment corrected isn’t being healed. Healing is when the whole self – mind, body and spirit – is aligned and in harmony with God. And the only response we can have to this realigning, this return to harmony is to say “thanks.” Living faithful means saying thank you. It means saying thank you to God and to one another. We as a society and as a church don’t say thank you enough and we sure don’t let others say it to us. Faithful people need to practice saying thanks and being gracious – it can change the world. It’s up to us to be the people our world needs and one way we bring our faith to life is by thanking others for their kindness, their effort and their generosity. We say thank you! So, do you say thank you? Are there people you need to thank? When was the last time you thanked someone for the little things they do for you and others? Saying thank you matters to people and it helps make our world a more hospitable and kinder place. Besides, it makes you and the other feel good. It brings about wholeness and life. Jesus tells the Samaritan leper “Getup! Go on your way. Take your thanks and healing and live them out in your life’s journey.” Jesus tells us to say thanks to God for the gifts of grace and love and then show your thanks through the life you live. Faithful people say thanks. Remember to thank someone today. Thank you for reading this.